In recent years, the phrase “sleep divorce” has become more common as couples seek to sleep apart.Often, the goal is for one partner to avoid the snoring of the other. Many advocates are saying that this is a normal and healthy way for couples to sleep.
However, there are also many signs that this is actually problematic for relationships.
Advice Column Concerns
One case in point is a recent letter to the relationship column “About Last Night.” In this letter, a man writes that snoring has forced him and his wife to sleep apart “for more than half of [their] married life.” The result has been that he feels “lonely, isolated, and angry.” In fact, a sense that his “emotional needs are not being met,” almost led him into an affair, which was destructive to their marriage.
In her response, the columnist notes that nearly 40% of couples are in a similar situation. She says sleeping apart can impact the physical and emotional bonds between people.
Advocates Giving Conflicting Messages
On the other hand, we can look at the column “Why More Happy, Healthy Couples Are Sleeping in Separate Bedrooms” to see that many of the couples in question are not actually happy or healthy. First, the author of this column confesses immediately that they’ve never actually lived with a romantic partner, which damages their credibility.
Second, we find that despite the talk, the case example in the column actually couldn’t maintain their relationship while sleeping separately. The article focuses on one man “whose last relationship involved separate bedrooms.” The past tense is very telling here. We don’t know that sleeping separately led to the breakup that now made the man single, but neither is this good evidence that couples can sleep apart and still be happy.
Although the relationship experts in this column readily advocate for the benefits of sleeping separately, it’s hard to accept if the columnist couldn’t even find one example of a happy, healthy couple currently sleeping apart.
Sleeping Apart Is Not the Solution to Snoring
Despite the evidence here, some couples can successfully sleep apart, but it does take work. In the “About Last Night” column, the author notes strategies that can make up for the intimacy lost at night. Couples have to spend wakeful times in intimate activities, which includes sex, cuddling, and talking.
But what sleeping apart should never be is a solution to snoring. While sleeping apart can resolve the problem for one person, if the snoring continues, it remains a problem. The snorer is likely not getting the quality sleep they need. They may even be suffering from sleep apnea. The emotional impact of these conditions can exacerbate the loss of intimacy from sleeping separately.
If snoring is a problem in your relationship, you should seek snoring treatment. Then, after you successfully resolve your snoring, you can consider whether you might still like to sleep separately for other reasons.
Snoring Treatment in Omaha
If snoring is a problem for you and your partner, we can help. We offer successful, noninvasive snoring solutions that can make sure the sound isn’t a barrier between you and your partner.