What used to be happy mornings become bitter, and the bed that used to bring you together can suddenly start driving you apart.
However, you don’t have to let snoring hurt you this way. Follow these suggestions to overcome the obstacle of snoring and improve your relationship with better sleep.
Talk It Out in the Light of Day
We know that when snoring wakes you up, you want to address it right away. After all, spouses that sleep with a loud snorer lose the equivalent of 1 to 2 hours of good sleep a night. You hope to get back to sleep, and that means trying to stop it right away.
But that would be a mistake. In the middle of the night, you’re in no condition to have a conversation about snoring. One or both of you are going to escalate the discussion to a fight. And we’ve seen it happen many times: angry words become a fight, and a fight can turn into dangerous domestic violence: beatings, stabbings, and shootings.
Try to maximize your sleep in what ways you can, such as moving to another room. Then try to have a conversation about it at another time, when you are both more awake and in a better mood.
“It’s not you, it’s the snoring.”
Try to keep the conversation about the snoring, not focused on the other person. Don’t accuse them of snoring, as if it’s something they’re doing intentionally to you. Instead, you need to acknowledge that the snoring is something separate from the person you love, even if they’re the ones producing it.
Know How Snoring Impacts You Both
One thing that will help you keep from blaming the other person for their snoring is understanding that they are suffering from snoring, too.
They look like they’re sleeping peacefully, but they’re not. Inside, their body is starving for oxygen, and the snoring is the sound of them fighting to breathe. Their heart may be racing and their body full of adrenaline as they struggle to keep their airway open. That’s especially true if their snoring ends with a gasping or choking sound, clear indicators of sleep apnea.
They may not even be sleeping most of the night. If they have sleep apnea, they might wake hundreds of times a night, even if they aren’t getting to full consciousness. They may spend the entire night in bed, but never once reach the deep levels of restorative sleep they need.
This is not to minimize the fact that snoring is obviously keeping you awake, just to point out that they might be as sleep-deprived as you are, no matter what it looks like.
Focus on Controlling Snoring
It’s tempting to think that if you can’t hear the snoring, it’s not a problem, but that’s not the case at all. Any solution that just gets you away from the sound, such as earplugs, white noise generators, or moving to a different room, is only half a solution. As long as they are snoring, they are still not sleeping properly.
There are many options to control snoring, though, and many home solutions you can try. Some simple solutions–like getting a snorer to sleep on their side or avoid drinking alcohol in the evening–can make a big difference.
We do recommend against over-the-counter or online snoring treatments. Sometimes these can cause trouble, and they may even silence the snoring but leave important health conditions untreated.
Seek Professional Help
If your at-home solutions aren’t doing the trick–snoring continues, as does the tension–it’s time to seek professional help. Fortunately, professional snoring treatments can be highly effective. Working with a professional also allows the snorer to get screened for sleep apnea, which is of critical importance to ensure you’re both healthy and happy.
Make Sure You’re Both Happy with the Solution
There are many tempting solutions that solve the problem from one person’s perspective, but not the other’s. They’re tempting, because, for example, you can just decide to sleep in another room without feeling that you have to clear that with your partner. You get sleep, so you’re happy, but if they’re not satisfied with this situation, it’s not really a solution. The conflicts can continue and may be as bad as or worse than before.
We Can Help
If you find that you’re struggling in a relationship because your partner snores, let us help. We offer effective, noninvasive snoring solutions so that you can both get all the sleep you need to stay happy, healthy, and in love.